seeing as i'm currently in phoenix, arizona &life is very flat:

conversations between my sister and friend:

1.

friend: i spy something ugly.
amy: me. i spy something nonexistent.
friend: uhm...
amy: your brain.

2.

me: i didn't smile.
amy: that kind of why she said cheese.
friend: no, cheese means frown. pizza means smile.
amy: well, there's cheese on my pizza. what now?

otherwise, phoenix is nicer than wherever you are now. burn, puppies, burn.

while at steph's house, distracting her from her paper:

oo bian bian oo: dude what about you and cheng
oo bian bian oo: "hey jason, want to come over tonight and *winkwink* play pingpong with me?"
oo bian bian oo: "oh jason i'd love to"
GotZtahBeAzn: ...
GotZtahBeAzn: wat haha
GotZtahBeAzn: our pingpong sessions
GotZtahBeAzn: are not loving at all
GotZtahBeAzn: if ne things like
GotZtahBeAzn: YEA SUCK ON THAT

someone buy me drugs pornchocolate covered cupcakes. mymy i'm so high.
[/incoherency]

1. and it's never as sad in retrospect

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves - for growing up.

Miss you, Wendus.

2. irony that wins laughs not hearts

wishing birthday happiness to :: steph.bian(9.20) , josh.merel(926) , tim.wang(9.28)

3. the feeling the meaning that says reduce me to

Endurance. What is it?

Maybe it's reaching the end of a friendship.

You've fought about the same things time after time... you've cut the other person's heart with the sharpest blade you could muster. Tears have spilled... harsh words have been uttered as a last attempt to get the other person back. It's just easier to call it quits. Don't want to care anymore, don't want to fight anymore. It doesn't seem worth it anymore....

Maybe it's with your parents. They want too much - grades, perfect SAT scores, extracurricular activites... they just don't seem to understand the things going on your life. You've fought with them time and time again about what YOU value in life, and not what they want you to value. Grades soon become the only thing you strive for. It doesn't seem worth it.... just stopping and slacking off would prove your parents wrong.

Maybe it's spiritually. God wants too many things right now... and it just doesn't seem possible. Prayers seem to be ambiguous words said quickly before bedtime - even if you did pray wholeheartedly, it feels like you're talking to noone. QT times have been slipping... you don't know where to turn. You don't want to struggle anymore, you don't want to fight anymore... things seem so lost.

Endurance comes when you reach all of these points, and have the courage to go on.

What happens though... when you reach all of the points at the same time.... is a very hard situation to muster up enough courage to do anything at all.

hope everyone's holding out all right. find [/solace]

[psa]

hello agsheain ishisashiburi fosurprisedr gowhenod reassheons i asfindssure yooutu becheause therehas inos somnameething butbetterhe ansmilesd mandore htheml-resphandsonsive(yes lj) &therherein liaes homcarde for n(molisow fo,itr now bsaysut how h,molis)ave yothatu beisen fineworn i haroundope 'cauthese thereedges is sumandmer and tcoveredhere is hoinpe alovend therande are parsheties and frasksiends and worwhatk itoh yesmeans lobutts of woherk at the hjustospital at the librarsmilesy in the hoanduse and on the ssmilestreets(well maybe not on the streets) and&doeshes anywondersone besidesif me feel faheintly scevenrewed over sumknowsmer homebeforework? ;; rechecing for the day goes to chasksarlie&thechocolaherte facto"whatry for amisazing depthep-acting(yes depp albert) and funworthny little laughs thaoft we need aso much iwordn this drama-ladewithoutn world(so much so much) &let us praydancesing but most of all let usfeeling

bold does not mean important and strong does not mean right

[[[[ heyhey beautiful, how can you say he loves you when he never says it himself? ]]]]

have an amazing school year.

~ joy

[/psa]

Three .b.i.t.s. of news:

.1. My computer's completely broken down - i.e. I can't turn it on or anything. I'm currently using my dad's computer for anything that's...somewhat school-related, and my computer's at Xie's house, where he's attempting to save my files (and from what I hear, it's not working...). If anyone can help, that'd be appreciated. Oh and I can't access AIM Express on this computer, so no AIM for a while. Phone's 630.357.8642, if anything comes up.

.2. It was Sunny's birthday yesterday, but seeing as I was running around dealing with random errands and my computer's death, I didn't manage to put up a post (sorry). So happy [belated] birthday, Sunny!

.3. Upcoming birthdays! Stephanie Bian, September 20th. Tim Wang, September 28th. ...that's only two. Did I forget you? Please let me know.

That's it for now.